So this week has been a strange and melancholy week with a lot of feelings that I can not adequately express. The weather has been unseasonably cold and this has added to a strangeness that has been difficult to shake.
Initially I just kept thinking how much I would have liked to know my Memere better while she was still with us, but I think I have made peace with this and figured it out.
My more vivid memories of Memere stretch back to my early childhood. I remember sitting in the living room watching TV while mom and dad and Memere and Pepere were playing pinocchle. I was always very interested in what was going on because there were a lot of cards and most were face cards and the deck was different than ones we played with as a family to play 63 and pitch. In my mind pinocchle was something that only adults were supposed to do, kind of like drinking a beer. I remember being interested but the game made no sense(if grandpa were still here with us, at this point in my story he would say that I still have never grasped the concept). Instead Angel and I would watch TJ Hooker or the Fall Guy or Dukes of Hazzard while the adult stuff happened in the dining room with the velvet printed wallpaper. Somehow it seemed that not only had I wanted to be on the other side of the wall playing, but I think Pepere wanted to be on our side because at some time he side he was quitting and going to go watch TJ Hooker with us. It never happened, but dad still says this sometimes when hes not winning.
I also remember Memere's fudge and cretons. Both pretty yummy but its been a lot of years since I had either. I also remember going to mass a couple of times(in French) and thinking the church was huge and amazing but not understanding much of what went on there(have to admit I'm much older and its in English now but I still don't understand much). And then there was Labadies and Jake and Andys. Bizmarcks and Moon Pies and fig or date squares. Wow thats a lot of years ago.
From there my memory jumps straight to Florida and our infrequent visits at Memere and Pepere's house. I remember a 3 wheeled bicycle that was endless fun for young boy, a pool table at the clubhouse and shuffleboard. The orange tree in the backyard always seemed so exotic and I still find it hard to fathom an outdoor orange tree in your yard. I used to sleep on the porch while I was there and that was always a special treat. I also liked when we would go to eat(my memory recalls Duffs the best, I think, as some big rotary buffet). I can also still remember the world coming to a halt in the afternoons for General Hospital for quite a few years. Cards were played there as well, but there was no half wall for me to be on the other side of. I was older anyway, and Florida to a boy from Maine was a special trip with warm weather in the winter, oranges in the backyard, a gated neighborhood where biking by myself was permitted, and searching for geckos. I still remember standing in the carport teaching myself to juggle.
Memere came to visit us back in Maine a few times and saw friends and relatives. I remember coming home and she would be rocking(or was it swinging) on the porch at 225 South Main. Unfortunately I was at an age that I did not try hard enough to get to know Memere then. When I recall trying harder at her house many years later in her kitchen, I think it was harder for her and I think that somehow some language or comprehension difficulties had increased. It was frustrating for me because I knew there were lots of stories there that made my dad and therefore in turn myself part of who we are. I have found out some of these stories secondhand but its not quite the same.
She has been a very strong woman for all of her life and did well for many years since Pepere's passing, but has had a very difficult go of it for the past decade or so due to health difficulties. Undoubtedly these health problems would have gotten the best of her if not for the love and dedication and hard work of Aunt Lorraine and Uncle Dick to help her get and stay as well as she could for all of those years. I think there were probably good times during those years, but I know there were a lot of trials and tribulations as well. She had gone through more than any 5 people should have to over these last years.
Unfortunately I think this happens to a lot of people as the aging process gets to us and our bone strength and social connections both get weaker. And so it comes to her passing this month. She did well to get to this point and family did well helping her get to this point as well. The selfish part of me is just glad that she was well enough to meet Jackson last year. I think this is important for kids to know where they come from, even if he is too young to remember or comprehend. We have pictures and I have memories. And I'll tell him the stories that I know, and he'll have to ask Grandpa Obie for the rest. Jackson will have one up on Beulah as well because he at least met Memere. I remember trying to get to Grandpa before he passed so I could tell him what Jacksons name was going to be. It didn't happen, but somehow I think he knows. The same way that Memere will know Beulahs real name as well.
So in retrospect I wish I knew Memere better and got to spend more time with her, but in my own way I do know her. I know her through Aunt Lorraine(who I also do not get to see enough of) and I know her through Dad.
And for this...
thank you Memere.
Initially I just kept thinking how much I would have liked to know my Memere better while she was still with us, but I think I have made peace with this and figured it out.
My more vivid memories of Memere stretch back to my early childhood. I remember sitting in the living room watching TV while mom and dad and Memere and Pepere were playing pinocchle. I was always very interested in what was going on because there were a lot of cards and most were face cards and the deck was different than ones we played with as a family to play 63 and pitch. In my mind pinocchle was something that only adults were supposed to do, kind of like drinking a beer. I remember being interested but the game made no sense(if grandpa were still here with us, at this point in my story he would say that I still have never grasped the concept). Instead Angel and I would watch TJ Hooker or the Fall Guy or Dukes of Hazzard while the adult stuff happened in the dining room with the velvet printed wallpaper. Somehow it seemed that not only had I wanted to be on the other side of the wall playing, but I think Pepere wanted to be on our side because at some time he side he was quitting and going to go watch TJ Hooker with us. It never happened, but dad still says this sometimes when hes not winning.
I also remember Memere's fudge and cretons. Both pretty yummy but its been a lot of years since I had either. I also remember going to mass a couple of times(in French) and thinking the church was huge and amazing but not understanding much of what went on there(have to admit I'm much older and its in English now but I still don't understand much). And then there was Labadies and Jake and Andys. Bizmarcks and Moon Pies and fig or date squares. Wow thats a lot of years ago.
From there my memory jumps straight to Florida and our infrequent visits at Memere and Pepere's house. I remember a 3 wheeled bicycle that was endless fun for young boy, a pool table at the clubhouse and shuffleboard. The orange tree in the backyard always seemed so exotic and I still find it hard to fathom an outdoor orange tree in your yard. I used to sleep on the porch while I was there and that was always a special treat. I also liked when we would go to eat(my memory recalls Duffs the best, I think, as some big rotary buffet). I can also still remember the world coming to a halt in the afternoons for General Hospital for quite a few years. Cards were played there as well, but there was no half wall for me to be on the other side of. I was older anyway, and Florida to a boy from Maine was a special trip with warm weather in the winter, oranges in the backyard, a gated neighborhood where biking by myself was permitted, and searching for geckos. I still remember standing in the carport teaching myself to juggle.
Memere came to visit us back in Maine a few times and saw friends and relatives. I remember coming home and she would be rocking(or was it swinging) on the porch at 225 South Main. Unfortunately I was at an age that I did not try hard enough to get to know Memere then. When I recall trying harder at her house many years later in her kitchen, I think it was harder for her and I think that somehow some language or comprehension difficulties had increased. It was frustrating for me because I knew there were lots of stories there that made my dad and therefore in turn myself part of who we are. I have found out some of these stories secondhand but its not quite the same.
She has been a very strong woman for all of her life and did well for many years since Pepere's passing, but has had a very difficult go of it for the past decade or so due to health difficulties. Undoubtedly these health problems would have gotten the best of her if not for the love and dedication and hard work of Aunt Lorraine and Uncle Dick to help her get and stay as well as she could for all of those years. I think there were probably good times during those years, but I know there were a lot of trials and tribulations as well. She had gone through more than any 5 people should have to over these last years.
Unfortunately I think this happens to a lot of people as the aging process gets to us and our bone strength and social connections both get weaker. And so it comes to her passing this month. She did well to get to this point and family did well helping her get to this point as well. The selfish part of me is just glad that she was well enough to meet Jackson last year. I think this is important for kids to know where they come from, even if he is too young to remember or comprehend. We have pictures and I have memories. And I'll tell him the stories that I know, and he'll have to ask Grandpa Obie for the rest. Jackson will have one up on Beulah as well because he at least met Memere. I remember trying to get to Grandpa before he passed so I could tell him what Jacksons name was going to be. It didn't happen, but somehow I think he knows. The same way that Memere will know Beulahs real name as well.
So in retrospect I wish I knew Memere better and got to spend more time with her, but in my own way I do know her. I know her through Aunt Lorraine(who I also do not get to see enough of) and I know her through Dad.
And for this...
thank you Memere.
Thank you, Eric, for a lovely tribute to your grandmother. You expressed the feelings of a lot of grandchildren who did not know their grandparents as well as they would have liked. It's a shame that when we are young we don't realize the value of our family history very much. I guess we feel that there will always be plenty of time to sit and listen to the older generations in our families. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. When our own children ask about our relatives is when most of us adults realize how little we really knew about them, and often it's too late to find out.
ReplyDeleteStill, it sounds like you have some great memories of Memere to share with our boy and Beulah. Since you are so eloquent, maybe you can start a little family history album for the Obies (in all your spare time !!)
You're a great son-in-law and I know you were a great grandson for Memere.
Grandmother Anne
Eric I love what you wrote and I do feel the same. Donnie and I were very fortunate that we lived in Florida and spent days with Memere shopping, eating and playing cards. One time in particular we took Memere to find new sneakers at Sawgrass Mills Mall. The mall I believe is over a mile long and Memere Donnie and I walked the entire mall and were successful in finding shoes. We will all miss her but never forget. Love Angel
ReplyDelete